Dear sister,
I am sorry I can't be the sister you need me to be. You see, ever since you were 12 years old, I acted as your mom. Our mom was mentally ill - something that I can say out loud now - and I took on the mom role. I don't know how not to be your mom now.
Mom died 2 years ago and I will never forget that you told me that you felt like your sister died. Which left me thinking ... what am I then?
You are a free spirit and that is something that I envy. Why? Because I guess I am too responsible. Too mommy'ish? I don't know.
I love you and I want nothing but the best for you.
I feel pushed aside when you chose to hide stuff from me.
I am good enough to help you but not good enough to be your friend?
A friend keeps telling me I have to do things differently if I want different results.
If you could live without my help, I am afraid I would never see you again. I feel in my heart for this to be true. And it hurts. A lot.
I have to let all this go. It is hurting me too much inside. I feel that what is important to me, is not important to you. And that is ok ... I just have to let you go.
I have to trust that you will be ok and as hard as it will be, at times I will have to tell you no.
No, I can't help you.
No, I can't babysit for you.
Not because I really can't or because I don't want to - but for you to respect me. Because right now, I don't feel respected.
I feel ... used, abused, walked over, taken advantage of ... and those are not good feelings.
I don't want to be your mom anymore. And if doing so, it means that we are nothing else, then so be it.
You will be ok without me.
Love,
Me
