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There is something very, very personal that I have been debating whether to blog about it or not.

Life is funny, you know?  I am like, the best person that you can pick to see all the positives in your life, to push you in the right direction, to make you feel that everything will be alright.

I can't do it for myself.

I found out a week or so ago that apparently they have started foreclosure procedures on my house.  My home.  

I went today to meet with a lawyer that basically told me that my best bet is to just let it go into foreclosure, save up in the meantime, and then start anew renting property.  

That is not the answer I wanted to hear.

I have been dealing with feelings of failure, not being good enough, you name it ... my rational self knows that this should not be a reflection on me as a person, a lot of people are going through hard times these days ... but then I guess what they say is true, we are our worst judge.

Tomorrow I am calling the bank again to see if there is a possibility of a loan modification.  I will also contact another law firm that deals with foreclosures and bankruptcies.  And then I guess I will have to make some hard decisions.

Distant

For whatever reason, I was pretty distant this weekend from my family.

Family meaning my sis and my dad.

I didn't call.  I didn't ask anyone to come over.

I guess sometimes that needs to be done.

Why then, if I know there is nothing wrong with just keeping to myself, do I feel guilty about it?

Must be a rican thing.


Ugh.