Little School

So.... I had G in a summer camp that was held at his school for pretty much the month of June ... a few things happened and I decided to check in the day care where he used to go to which is literally right across from the building where I work at.

G calls it his "little school" and this week he started there ... so far he has only been there literally 3 days and he L.O.V.E.S. it!  I am sooooooo glad I decided to move him there, it's a bit more than what I was paying but really, there is no price for peace of mind.  He is with people that know him and have cared for him since he was 3 years old.

When I went to pick him up this afternoon he said - "mami, what if the little school was like really close to us like a family?" ... and I said "well papi, they ARE like a family, they cared for you since you were 3 years old" .... and he goes "really? no wonder I love them so much"

Ohhhh how I love that boy!

Distant

For whatever reason, I was pretty distant this weekend from my family.

Family meaning my sis and my dad.

I didn't call.  I didn't ask anyone to come over.

I guess sometimes that needs to be done.

Why then, if I know there is nothing wrong with just keeping to myself, do I feel guilty about it?

Must be a rican thing.


Ugh.

what this family is about

I am sitting here watching cartoons with G as I check my stuff online and he comes and hugs me and goes ... "this is what our family is about, you and me, being together and love" ... and hugs me again ... ohhh I love that boy!

♪ My 40th ♪

Thursday, May 13th I turned 40 years old.

Ouch.

Growing up I thought 40 was OLD. Now I am the one turning 40. Ouch. ...

Anyway ... I decided to treat myself like a princess on that day and I had my tiara and all here at work.

They looked at me funny.

Some said I was 'special' ... haters. LOL

I really had a great day at work and then I went home.

And at home I expected my sis and my dad to show up with a Pepperidge Farm cake to sing me happy birthday.

It didn't happen.

No one called.

No one came over.

Once G got home, it was just the two of us.

That was it.

And I felt alone.

Very alone.

It was the first time that I spent my birthday like that. Ever. And I thought to myself that, well, I need to get used to this. Is just the way it is.

But something told me that something else was going on. I suspected a surprise party was planned for me.

I asked my sis ... she made it sound like nothing was going on. I confided in a few friends, no one knew nothing.

Rightttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

Saturday afternoon my dad took me to Olive Garden - he did say he told a few friends and I recognized my sister's car and a friend's car but that was it.

It was the same restaurant that they did a surprise party for me when I turned 30. Even in the same area of the restaurant when they did that previous one! And then out of the corner of my eye I see my sister and when I go in ... yes, it was a surprise!

One of my best friends from high school was there - he came all the way from Miami! My best friend from work - who happens to be my boss - was there too! A few others that live here and have been part of my life and then later my best friend since childhood came in and then 2 other friends from high school that live in FL but not in Orlando - at least an hour and a half drive - I was so touched! So happy! And my dad standing in the back just smiling.

My sis decorated it all with balloons and 'over the hill' and '40' theme ... dang, I felt like I was 15 with all the attention! The food was delish and wow, 3 hours went by in a blink ... so we continued the party at my house! They didn't leave 'til almost 11pm - to then drive home.

To say the least, I had a great time!

I really, truly did ... I am thankful for each and every person that was there and that remembered me on my birthday.

My dad and my sis took care of everything.

And in the party, they basically just stood aside and let me enjoy my time with my friends.

If that is not love, I don't know what is.

So even though I was bummed out on the 13th, the surprise party more than made up for it.

Forties ... get ready, here I come! ♪♪♪

... random thoughts ...

another major holiday is on its way ... Mother's Day ... it will be the first Mother's Day without mami ... this same time last year she was packing and looking forward to her trip to Puerto Rico, to spend time with her sister, my cousins and their kids ... she passed 3 days after she returned from that trip ...

she did what she wanted to do 'til the end ... I mean, what else can anyone ask for? ... I am just thankful that God allowed enough time for her to get back home to us ... that's all ...

and this holiday, just like other holidays since she passed (except Christmas) ... I am just blagh ... that is how I feel ... like there is no excitement, nothing to look forward to, etc etc etc ... does that make sense? has that happened to you after such a big loss? I mean, I am not even looking forward to my birthday which is next week ... am kinda dreading that my dad may be planning a surprise birthday party ... I mean, it is the big 40 and all ... but I know I will be just as happy with a small cake and in the company of my dad, my sis and the kids ... but for some reason I keep suspecting that he is planning a big thing ... ugh ... they did do a big party for my 30th b'day so I guess I will find out ... blagh

in other news ... I finally decided that I was going to start the process to get G baptized ... yeah, when he was little, his dad and I had differences of opinions and it just never got done ... being that I am Catholic, I want to raise him in the Catholic faith ... of course, being that I waited soooooooooooooo friggin' long, it can't be that easy, can it? ... little man of 7 yrs old is, in the eyes of the church, an adult, therefore he can't just get baptized, he has to go through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) ... so, we are on to do what must be done ... he started RCIA last weekend and after that we went to mass ... looking forward to going with him to mass again tomorrow night since on Sunday-Mother's Day, we are going to spend the day at my dad's place ...

8 months

Today is 8 months since my mother died. She died on a Wednesday too. Today is Wednesday. I try to think back on that day and I can't remember much. Just remember being in a daze-like state, on automatic mode. I don't remember how I got home after I left the hospital. If I ate anything. Not even if I picked my son from school or not.

So much has happened since then. So many changes still happening in our family. My sister is moving, a bit far from what I am used to. My dad is thinking of moving on his own - he's been with me since she passed. It looks like I finally will get the promotion I have been waiting for years.

I like to think that she is up there ... smiling at how we are doing and watching over us. I like to think that she is the reason why all the pieces are falling into place for my sister. I like to think that she is somehow still keeping my dad company. I like to think that she is watching over the kids every second of every day. Their special guardian angel.

To me ... I like to think that somehow she is still in Puerto Rico, spending time with her sister and my cousins and my cousins's kids ... happy sorrounded by people that love her. A friend not long ago said she dreamt about her ... that she appeared to her in a dream and told her to tell my dad, to not worry about her ... that she found Nala (our dog) and that they were together and happy.

I miss her. A lot. I miss having my mom. Here. With me.

Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Family

This was our first Thanksgiving without my mom. It felt as surreal as when we celebrated the birthdays and other important dates after her death. Sis stayed over as she was going to Black Friday the next day. I tagged along after 7am and only because I wanted to go to CompUSA - where I treated myself of course. I realized one thing ... Black Friday just brought out the worst part of my rican-ness and boy was that like, not good. I don't know if I will be going super duper early next year ... maybe if they can sell patience in a bottle.

The best part of this weekend though was that G's paternal grandma came to visit from Puerto Rico. It was awesome to see her, my ex-MIL (mother-in-law) - I always got along with her and one of the drawbacks of being divorced was not seeing her as often. She is the only grandma that my son has left, I want to make sure he has a relationship with her ... then again I can only do so much.

Now if I could just take a break from my family... oh yes, am going back to work tomorrow.