The Language of Letting Go

In the 2nd night of the parenting class the instructor suggested a book called "The Language of Letting Go" to another participant. It is basically meditations and is geared towards persons that are co-dependent and yeah... I think I am one of those ... or at least I have issues of co-dependency. Whatever rocks my boat, right? Anywhoooooo.... the instructor told this person to always read the current day PLUS what is written for August 17th ... and me, being that I love reading just had to get the book and well, I started reading it (and doing as I was told.)

Ironically when I commented to a friend about it she mentioned that she had it and in its time, it was of great help to her. And well, in my mind I started connecting the dots ... Paulo Coelho (one of my favorites authors) wrote in "The Alchemist" that (and don't quote me on this) when something is for you, the Universe conspires to bring it to you. I took the fact that my friend read this book as something I needed to do to ... more so when its message just sinks in the depths of my soul when I read it ... is like, the message is so important, so profound, that I have to read it more than once so it can sink in properly.

In tonight's class, she asked the participant to read the August 17th entry ... and I just don't know why but it opened the flood gates for me and through out the class, I just couldn't seem to close them back. It is just something about when something so deep is read out loud, that just touched a nerve in me. And I was seating at the front and I am sure the instructor could see me but I just kept my head down and I listened and I took notes. Notes that I promise I will be sharing here as it will be a way to remind myself and share it with others. The last thing she said, just struck such a deep chord in me that once I filled out my post-test, I got up and left, again 'cause I was crying and I didn't want her or anyone there to see me like that. She said that we are the product of our mothers ... I am my mother ... I am my mother?! ... I guess is true ... I am my mother.

In time I will decide if I really write about my mother in here or not. I do know and realize that she did the best she could with what she had. And I have nothing but love and respect for her. I understood how big her love for me and my sis was when I became a mother. So don't think that I am in any way, shape or form putting down my mother. Is just that ... I never saw or thought of myself being my mother. Period.

Change

I am working on changing the way I look at life. When I got into one of my moods as kid/teenager, my dad's pet name for me was "Vinagre" (= vinegar) ... that should give you a hint as how pleasant I was perceived as ... [that last sentence said with a very very sarcastic tone]

I recently started reading a book that I bought six months ago. It's called "The First 30 Days" by Ariane De Bonvoisin. (@clickariane on Twitter and her site is www.first30days.com) The book is basically about the one word that I would use to describe 2009 for me ... change. I guess because of all the changes is why it took me six months to start it? I don't know. I only know is that I feel that I am reading it now because now is when I am meant to read it.

I have always believed that things happen for a reason, even though we may never understand the reason why it happened in the first place. At the same time, I have always been a little more on the pesimistic side when it comes to me and the things that happen to me. I can see the glass half full for everyone else and their mother ... but not me.

So that is what I am working on at this time ... in looking for the positive ... in keeping an optimistic outlook ... and is not easy, but dang, it can't be impossible, can it?

20 yrs

today marks 20 yrs that we moved to the US of A ... 20 friggin' yrs!

when we first moved here - we being my parents, sis and I - we moved to a relative's house in Longwood, one of the cities close to Orlando ... what I remember most of that day was the ride to the house from the airport... for some reason, everytime I drive down that road, I remember that day

sometimes I wonder what life would have been for me had I decided - against my parents' wishes - to stay in Puerto Rico (I was 19 at the time, yeah, do the math, am friggin' 39 yrs old, lol)... only sometimes though... I love my island but I like it here and this is home now

last summer I went to my high school's 20th yr reunion and even though it was great to see everyone... I felt like a fish out of water... I had a great time there, don't get me wrong, but that wasn't my home anymore... it was kind of bittersweet to me

in the past 20 yrs I got my bachelor's degree, bought my first (and second) car, bought my own home, got married, had a son, got divorced and have kept my job with the local government for the past 15 yrs (and counting!) ... now I am thinking, what about the next 20 yrs of my life? what am I going to do with those?

to help clarify and make changes I am now reading, not one, not two but three books (is a habit I have, can't read just one at a time, is that bad?, lol)

these are the books I am reading now.... The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, What Happy Women Know by Dan Baker and Cathy Greenberg and The First 30 days by Ariane de Bonvoisin. The first one I got it as a Christmas gift from my sis and the last two I bought at the Florida Conference for Women I attended on May 12th (that is a post that I have to write later, very empowering day!)

the key now is to find the time to read... ha! laters!