... fragmented ...

This is how I have been feeling lately ... fragmented ... I plan on putting the pieces together ... one by one ...

Negativity

I am trying to stay away from negativity.

Trying being the key word as I am my own worst enemy.

Most if not all of the negativity comes from the inside ...

... negative self-talk ...

... negative self-image ...

... dwelling on the past ... on the what if's ...



So yeah ... am trying to stay away ...


I want to re-train myself ... is not an option ...


I have to treat myself better.




Is it me ... or do others out there in cyberspace are like me?


Would they admit it?

~ one year anniversary ~

Today marks one year since my mom passed away.

I woke up around 3:45am and just paced around the house.

Later while taking G to school I called my dad so he could speak to G. My dad is in PR since last Sunday. He wanted to be there during these days so he could go to the same beach where he had taken her ashes last year. He wanted to bring her flowers and just be there. And who could tell him not to?

So after talking to my dad, I called my sis - she took the day off to go to the beach. Same beach in which last year we went to. Where we released a "welcome home" balloon in her honor and brought flowers to the beach. I didn't ask for time off since I had already taken some days off earlier in the month.

I spoke to one of my cousins while driving in to work.

Keeping in touch with others makes me feel like I am keepin in touch with her.

"How are you doing?" is what everyone asks me and I say I am ok.

Maybe they are expecting another answer? I don't know.

I am ok but at the same time there is a side of me that is numb.

And I don't know how long that numbness is supposed to last ... or if it will be gone someday.

I miss you mimi ... bendición!