~ one year anniversary ~

Today marks one year since my mom passed away.

I woke up around 3:45am and just paced around the house.

Later while taking G to school I called my dad so he could speak to G. My dad is in PR since last Sunday. He wanted to be there during these days so he could go to the same beach where he had taken her ashes last year. He wanted to bring her flowers and just be there. And who could tell him not to?

So after talking to my dad, I called my sis - she took the day off to go to the beach. Same beach in which last year we went to. Where we released a "welcome home" balloon in her honor and brought flowers to the beach. I didn't ask for time off since I had already taken some days off earlier in the month.

I spoke to one of my cousins while driving in to work.

Keeping in touch with others makes me feel like I am keepin in touch with her.

"How are you doing?" is what everyone asks me and I say I am ok.

Maybe they are expecting another answer? I don't know.

I am ok but at the same time there is a side of me that is numb.

And I don't know how long that numbness is supposed to last ... or if it will be gone someday.

I miss you mimi ... bendición!

what this family is about

I am sitting here watching cartoons with G as I check my stuff online and he comes and hugs me and goes ... "this is what our family is about, you and me, being together and love" ... and hugs me again ... ohhh I love that boy!

♪ My 40th ♪

Thursday, May 13th I turned 40 years old.

Ouch.

Growing up I thought 40 was OLD. Now I am the one turning 40. Ouch. ...

Anyway ... I decided to treat myself like a princess on that day and I had my tiara and all here at work.

They looked at me funny.

Some said I was 'special' ... haters. LOL

I really had a great day at work and then I went home.

And at home I expected my sis and my dad to show up with a Pepperidge Farm cake to sing me happy birthday.

It didn't happen.

No one called.

No one came over.

Once G got home, it was just the two of us.

That was it.

And I felt alone.

Very alone.

It was the first time that I spent my birthday like that. Ever. And I thought to myself that, well, I need to get used to this. Is just the way it is.

But something told me that something else was going on. I suspected a surprise party was planned for me.

I asked my sis ... she made it sound like nothing was going on. I confided in a few friends, no one knew nothing.

Rightttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

Saturday afternoon my dad took me to Olive Garden - he did say he told a few friends and I recognized my sister's car and a friend's car but that was it.

It was the same restaurant that they did a surprise party for me when I turned 30. Even in the same area of the restaurant when they did that previous one! And then out of the corner of my eye I see my sister and when I go in ... yes, it was a surprise!

One of my best friends from high school was there - he came all the way from Miami! My best friend from work - who happens to be my boss - was there too! A few others that live here and have been part of my life and then later my best friend since childhood came in and then 2 other friends from high school that live in FL but not in Orlando - at least an hour and a half drive - I was so touched! So happy! And my dad standing in the back just smiling.

My sis decorated it all with balloons and 'over the hill' and '40' theme ... dang, I felt like I was 15 with all the attention! The food was delish and wow, 3 hours went by in a blink ... so we continued the party at my house! They didn't leave 'til almost 11pm - to then drive home.

To say the least, I had a great time!

I really, truly did ... I am thankful for each and every person that was there and that remembered me on my birthday.

My dad and my sis took care of everything.

And in the party, they basically just stood aside and let me enjoy my time with my friends.

If that is not love, I don't know what is.

So even though I was bummed out on the 13th, the surprise party more than made up for it.

Forties ... get ready, here I come! ♪♪♪