N's

I went this week to meet with G's teacher for his progress report for the 2nd quarter.  His regular teacher is out on maternity leave so the teacher that he has now is a sub.  Someone that we both know because she used to be the director of the school's extended day program.  The progress report, as far as grades, it couldn't have been better ... he got all A's, is reading way above grade level (2nd quarter of third grade, he is in second grade now) and O's (O = outstanding).  He also got 4 N's (N = needs improvement) ... these are more in the social/behavior areas ... listening, working independently, etc ... and get this ... the ONLY reason he is not in the Honor Roll this quarter is because of those N's.

Now that is some crapola right there.  I thought the Honor Roll had to do with grades.  I debated with her how he is in the classroom, 'cause knowing my child, I don't think he is that much different with her than with his regular teacher.  So she said that oh she might be more strict than the other teacher.  Ironic, a sub is stricter than a regular teacher.  She writes little things on his planner, "not following directions", "not completing his classwork", etc.  And I used to really get on him ... but after this little meeting, I think the reason he got all those N's have to do more with how she is and her strictness ... so I decided that I am going to ease on him, and let him be, well, a kid.

19 months

19 months today mom ... 19 months since you died ... 19 months that make the 21 years we have been living in Florida seem like an instant ... I had no idea 19 months could feel longer than 21 years ... but they do ... and something tells me that next month is not going to feel any easier to deal with ...

I woke up stressed out ... rushing out the door ... like every other day ... that's not new ... and for a minute I forgot that today was a 24th ... I remembered when pops was asking for a candle to light next to your picture ... and my heart sank ... but I couldn't stay home much longer since I was already late for work.  Nothing new either, I am always running late.

But once I got to work and I was inside my office, it hit me.  I looked at myself in the mirror and the tears just started pouring down.  I contained myself after a while but I guess that is the curse of having a face that reflects your soul ... people knew I was not ok ... and the kind souls that they are, they understood and gave me my space.  I guess my office is my little safe haven, if these walls could talk ...

I miss you mom.  A lot.  Maybe if I dreamt of you once in a while it wouldn't hurt so much?  I don't know.  But I don't remember any dreams.  They say that you do dream every night, you just don't remember.  Well, it's been a while since I remembered any dreams.  I asked Gian once if he dreamt about you and he said yes ... you were outside and by what he describes is like a valley and you see each other and run towards each other and hug each other really really really tight.  Next time, can you all invite me to that dream?  I would like to see you and hug you too.

Punishment?

How do you punish your kid today?  In this age of "give me, give me, give me" and this sense of entitlement that they are growing up with?  

Maybe your parents didn't give you much and you are trying to compensate for what was not given to you?  Maybe they say "pretty please?", while they pout and bat those eyelashes and you just give in?  Or maybe you rationalize that life is too short and this is your kid and if you don't spoil him/her, who will?

I am guilty of giving in to those batting eyelashes.  I am guilty of rationalizing spoiling my child.  I am guilty of trying to compensate.

I am also painfully aware of this sense of entitlement that my kid is growing with.  And I am worried as to how to keep a balance.

I explained to him that the things we enjoy and need, are not free.  I work.  And I get paid for my work, therefore I also explained to him that his "job" is to go to school, behave in school and do his best in his classwork.  So when that does not get done, I have a problem with it.

Do you remember, when you were a kid, and you did something wrong in school, that the teacher would make you stand in front of the room and write a sentence over and over until you filled the blackboard?  Your hands would be white from the chalk.  You were probably coughing from all the chalk residue.  And you knew you couldn't sit down until you were done.  It didn't matter if your back hurt.  It didn't matter if your hand hurt.  That was your punishment and there was no question that you had to do what the teacher saw fit to do.  Period.  And you knew that your parents would not question the teacher's judgement.  And you knew that if your parents found out, you would have to deal with another punishment at home.

So I came up with a similar way of punishment and I am not sure if it is working completely yet.  I got a notebook and on the top of the page I write a sentence and he has to do two pages of that same sentence.  The sentence has to do with something that he did or did not do.  This week for example, it was a 3-day school week for them (no school on Monday and today Friday) so when I picked him up on Tuesday, he proudly announced he doesn't have homework to do, could he play Wii.  He got a fat NO when I read in his planner that he did not do any classwork in school.  Instead he got to writing "I will complete my classwork" over and over.

Was he happy?  No.  I explained to him that he will not get to do the things he likes to do if he doesn't do in school the things that he must do.

Did he do it?  Yes.  Did it work?  So far it seems to be working ... two straight days of him doing good in school, but we'll see what happens.  In the meantime I will make sure to keep a pencil sharpened and the notebook handy.

I am ready ... I think?

I am ready.  At least, I think I am ready. 

 

For what you may ask? 

 

For falling in love.  For feeling that "in-love" feeling again.  For feeling those butterflies in my tummy again.

 

Whoever comes along though has to understand that I come with a package.  I have a son and my dad lives with us.  Neither of them is going anywhere.  They are part of me.

 

It's been close to 5 years since my divorce.  A lot has happened in those years.  I have also learned a lot about me and what I am willing to put up with (or not). 

 

So yeah ... I think I am ready.

Merging Blogs

I decided today to merge all my blogs into one.  Sorry for the confusion.

As you were.

I know

The kiddo gets on my nerves.  Sometimes.  I am lying.  Most of the time.  More so when his reply to everything and anything I say is "I know".

Really?  At 8 years old ... YOU know?  Really?

So we are in the process of him learning to actually answer a question with one of the following three answers; yes, no or yes ma'am.  The "I know" gots to go before he gets popped in the mouth for answering back.

 

A not-so-new roommate

So now I have a not-so-new roommate now.  My dad.  

Things I have to get used to again:  his smoking, his nagging, his drinking.  I also have to get used to have fresh-brewed coffee available to me as I get dressed to get to work.  To have my van on, nice and warm by the time I walk outside.  To not having to prepare my son's lunch to school every morning.  To have food ready for me when I get home from work.

Things he has to get used to again:  my messy home, my ignoring his nagging, my walking around my house in my underwear.  He also has to get used to getting kisses and hugs every morning and night before we go to bed.  To not have to worry about whether his monies will last him a month.  To have someone to drive him around.  To not have to do the dishes anymore.

I guess depending on how I look at it I can see it as either a curse or a blessing.  Maybe is not one or the other.  Maybe it is both.  And whatever it is, we will deal with it.  I am not going anywhere.  Neither is he.  I just think that this time around, we just need to be more clear about our expectations of each other and to set more clear boundaries.  And then, we will be ok.

I remember growing up and seeing my maternal grandparents maybe once a week.  My paternal grandmother I saw her maybe once or twice a year.  And now my kid will have his grandfather pretty much 24/7.  This morning he asked me if he could go give "abuelo" a kiss.  I am sure that is priceless to my dad.  And it is to me too.  Mom left us too soon.  And I would like to think that, as we spend time with my dad, in a way, my mom is feeling those hugs, those kisses, that love.

So yeah, I have a not-so-new roomie ... and I think we will be just fine.

Kids & Self-Image

Yesterday I was with the kiddo at his RCIA class in church.  There was one exercise that had to do with, if there was one thing they could change, what would it be.  The change could be within their family, school, themselves, etc.  My son said the only change he would do was for a vacation, that he wants to go to Disney World, of course.  But other kids, specifically girls said things that had to do with themselves and it just ... it bothered me.  It was three black/mixed girls and they wanted straight hair.  That at such young age, they are even thinking of stuff like that, bothers me.  It may not sound like a big deal to some of you I am sure.  But honestly, I think it is pretty sad.

 

Enjoy your childhood, embrace yourself, love yourself as you are ... those were some of things I wanted to tell them.  Too bad their mothers were not there to tell them that it is ok.

My last weekend of freedom

This was, technically, my last weekend of freedom.  No, I am not going away nor am I getting married.  (Not yet anyway, lol)  This is my last weekend before my dad moves back in with me.  Not like he restricts me in any way but, well, I am a homebody, I like to be home.  And I particularly like being home without being TOLD what to do.

So yeah, he is moving back.  I think overall it will be a good thing for all of us, we can help each other.  We just need to work on our boundaries.  ASAP.  That's all.

Welcome 2011!

So ... here we are ... a new year ... full of possibilities ... just like a blank canvas.

2009 was harsh ... 2010 wasn't that much better ... so I am really looking forward to this year and what it has to offer.

I have had other blogs that got deleted simply because, they had too many memories, too much pain.  

This one will be about us, my kid and I.  

Yes, I am a boricua (still) single mom and I am not lying, I am a mom to the best kid in the Universe.