Friday, March 25, 2011

Face in the Sky

Yesterday was the 24th of the month.  My mom passed away on a 24th. 
Yesterday I had someone come and visit me in my office.  It's one of my employees.  Her son passed away not long after my mom.  He was in his 30's.  You are expected to bury your parents.  Is not natural to bury your son. 
Back to her visit ... she wanted to show me some pictures.  It was pictures of the day her son remains (he was cremated, like my mom) were thrown out at sea.  His favorite beach, somewhere here in Florida.  She explained that after the ceremony they did, as she was walking back, she was looking at the sky.  And then she noticed it.  She told me she called her daughter to get pictures of the sky.
She showed me some pictures first.  In it distinctively you can see three colors - red, blue, green - against a cloud.  They looked a bit like a prism, kind of blending in with the blue from the sky and the whiteness of the clouds.
Then she showed me some other pictures, where her daughter zoomed in on the colors.  And then, I saw it too.
A face in the sky.
My hairs stood on end.  My visitor smiled at my reaction.  "You saw him too."  She said that seeing that on that day, re-assured her that her son was ok.  He was with angels.  And for me, seeing this angel on this picture on that day, a 24th, re-assured me that, mom is ok too.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

The Wedding Band

Yesterday afternoon, my neighbor texted me - "can you come outside for a second" - strange text, but I was home and well, I went outside.  He asked me if I lost something, I told him "not that I know of" and he goes, "well, we found this ring, in your yard" ... and he showed me a ring, a wedding band. 
My dad's wedding band.
I took it, looked inside and sure enough, it said "Con Amor, Elsa  23-8-69" (= with love Elsa and their wedding date) ... "yep, that's my dad ring for sure" I said ... and I went inside my house to ask my dad if he lost something ... I knew he raked leaves earlier, so I figured he lost it then ...
I went to my dad's room and I asked him if he lost something.  He looked puzzled.  I asked again and he got up from his chair and came closer to me as I opened my hand and the ring was laying inside.
He looked at me.  He looked at the ring.  He took the ring in his hand and looked at it again.  He looked inside and it was like if he had seen a ghost.  He dropped it on his desk as if the ring was a burning coal.  He looked at me and stuttered as he asked how, what, where, when ... then he said "that ring has been lost for 5 if not 6 years."
To say he was overjoyed is an understatement.  To him, this is not just a lost ring.  To him, this is a message from mom, that no matter what, they will be together, their marriage has not been affected by her untimely death.  Those were pretty much his words.
Words that sounded pretty romantic, nostalgic in a sense.  And at the same time, sad words.  The reality is, mom is not here anymore ... and my dad, he is not that old ... who said it is wrong for him to move on?  It doesn't mean that he didn't love my mother, that he didn't do everything under the sun to take care of her.  And she is no longer here with us.  And I know he hasn't been able to move past her death.  I can tell.
So I don't know what to do.  Mom is like the white elephant in the room.  He just doesn't talk to me about it.  Neither do I.  Am I over her death?  I don't know.  I miss her, I can tell you that.  At the same time, I have a little one that looks up to me so I just had to do like that little engine that could ... I think I can I think I can .... and I shugged along. 
I just hope that finding this ring will not turn into a curse instead of a blessing.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Ash Wednesday

Today is Ash Wednesday.  It marks the beginning of the Lent season.  This season is a very special one as by the end of it, the Saturday before Easter, the kiddo gets baptized, confirmed and will be doing his first communion.  All three.

We attended Mass today with my sister and her son.  The kids adore each other, they are like brothers.  Well, "brudders" like my nephew says it.  So needless to say, keeping a straight face during this Mass was quiet a challenge.

I personally enjoyed telling my son about the Mass and what is going on.  The best part was when the priest was blessing the bread and the wine ... my nephew busted out with a "WOW!, that's amazing!" ... and the people around us squirmed a bit, shushing him ... but you know what?  He IS right!  WOW!  It is amazing and mind blowing to realize the miracle we are witnessing right then and there in front of us.

As we walked outside and I looked at everyone that was there I realized that we all look different, come from different backgrounds, speak different languages ... yet we all shared that ash cross on our foreheads.  It made me think that even if I feel alone, I am not alone ... and that is a comforting thought.

Tuesday, March 8, 2011

Random Updates

  • I went to seek counsel from a second attorney.  They gave me something that the first one didn't give me.  Hope.  So I hired them.  I feel at peace with this decision.
  • Work is crazy.  I think of my job as a well-oiled machine and sometimes we just have to put a little bit more oil on the joints.  It keeps me on my toes.
  • Kiddo is doing great in school.  His grades are all A's and he is at a 3rd grade reading level and he is still in 2nd grade.  Needless to say, momma proud.
  • I treated myself to a Kindle.  Me loves it.  Lots.  Reading is a part of mine that I missed.
  • Pops is home.  It's a work in progress this thing of all of us adjusting at being in each other spaces.  We'll be ok.
  • Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.  It represents the beginning of the Lent Season and a very important step in kiddo's religious journey.  From here on out, it will be intense.  And by Easter he will be baptized, confirmed and he will celebrate his first communion.  Needless to say, momma is happy and anxious.