Saturday, September 11, 2010

Super Songs

I love listening to music while I drive and well, the kiddo gets subjected to it and lucky me, he loves music!

Recently he realized that some songs are well ... mixed-songs tied in together ... and since the answer I get to everything I tell him is "I know" ... well, he "knew" that those songs are called super songs.

What?  You didn't know?  lol  

Well, now I know ... hehehe

... fragmented ...

This is how I have been feeling lately ... fragmented ... I plan on putting the pieces together ... one by one ...



Thursday, September 2, 2010

glow

This morning I noticed that G had his old sneakers on.  I asked him why.  He said - because they glow in the dark mami.
 
Ok.
 
So then he asks me if I noticed that the shirt he has on glows in the dark too.
 
I said, really?
 
He goes - yup!  And do you want to know why I am wearing this matching glow in the dark stuff?
 
I said, yes I want to know.
 
"After lunch we go to the playground and when we get back in the room, the teacher turns off the lights so we can calm down."
 
"And?" I said ...
 
"And then ... am going to glow!"
 
... I hope the teacher does turn off the lights today ...

Thursday, August 26, 2010

V

This morning on the way to school, G saw birds in the sky and said "look mami, the birds are flying and they are forming a V in the sky".
 
I told him that I think it is called a V formation but I wasn't sure why it was called that.
 
He said he knew.
 
He said they formed a V because they are going on Vacation.
 
... dunno about you but it sounds just about right for me ...

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Maracas

One of the upcoming things in G's calendar at his "little school" (= summer camp) is Maracas.  I am guessing that they would make their own maracas?  I'll find out later, lol

Either way, he asked what they were.  And I told him that they were musical instruments.

And then he goes ... like chicken drumsticks?

I. Almost. Cried. Laughing.

Yes papi, just like chicken drumsticks.

hehehe

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Four Boxes

This last weekend I got rid of four boxes.  Four boxes that were full of stuff ... mailings, coupons, magazines, bills ... you get the picture.

I guess is time to admit that I am a bit of a procrastinator.  

It's a side of me that I am not proud of.  But one that needs to be dealt with.

So tackling those four boxes is a pretty big thing for me.

I took what needed to be shredded to work.   It ended being in three bags.

And now I only have one box with my current stuff and all the magazines are in the magazine rack and the coupons are clipped and ready to be used.

It may mean not much to others, but it is a pretty big deal to me.

I am proud of myself, go me!

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Freezing Bad Breath

I gave G some water with ice and after taking a sip, he told me he knew how to freeze bad breath.

Really?

This. I wanted to hear.  So ... I asked.

He said ... "easy ... you just drink some really cold water and then you hold your breath in for like, a second, and then you open your mouth and let the frozen bad breath go bye bye"

I'm going to have to try that sometime.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Negativity

I am trying to stay away from negativity.

Trying being the key word as I am my own worst enemy.

Most if not all of the negativity comes from the inside ...

... negative self-talk ...

... negative self-image ...

... dwelling on the past ... on the what if's ...



So yeah ... am trying to stay away ...


I want to re-train myself ... is not an option ...


I have to treat myself better.




Is it me ... or do others out there in cyberspace are like me?


Would they admit it?

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Little School

So.... I had G in a summer camp that was held at his school for pretty much the month of June ... a few things happened and I decided to check in the day care where he used to go to which is literally right across from the building where I work at.

G calls it his "little school" and this week he started there ... so far he has only been there literally 3 days and he L.O.V.E.S. it!  I am sooooooo glad I decided to move him there, it's a bit more than what I was paying but really, there is no price for peace of mind.  He is with people that know him and have cared for him since he was 3 years old.

When I went to pick him up this afternoon he said - "mami, what if the little school was like really close to us like a family?" ... and I said "well papi, they ARE like a family, they cared for you since you were 3 years old" .... and he goes "really? no wonder I love them so much"

Ohhhh how I love that boy!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Retrace

Today I asked G to find my phone.

"Mami, you have to retrace your steps, ok?"

I had to ask him again what he said 'cause he sounded so darn cute ... and bossy too!

SMH

Distant

For whatever reason, I was pretty distant this weekend from my family.

Family meaning my sis and my dad.

I didn't call.  I didn't ask anyone to come over.

I guess sometimes that needs to be done.

Why then, if I know there is nothing wrong with just keeping to myself, do I feel guilty about it?

Must be a rican thing.


Ugh.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

I miss her

Today of all days ... I miss her 

I miss my mom

I feel the bond between my sis and I dissolving and I can't stop it

I guess my mom was the glue that held us together

I miss you ma'

Friday, July 9, 2010

English

G has this new habit that is getting on my nerves.

He is correcting my English.

Momma is not laughing.

how real can someone be?

Lately I have stopped myself several times from writing on this blog.

I mean do I really want 'this' or 'that' to be out there on the net?

I read other blogs and my reaction is like 'wow' ... is this really how this person lives?

In my case, for example, I really can't vent about work - I could lose my job.

And um, 'til further notice, I need that gig. Only been there like what, 17 years?

Then there is Facebook. And Twitter.

I honestly don't like to put how I really feel or what is really going on with me on Facebook.

Too many chismosos in there. Including family.

They don't need any more material for their lenguas viperinas.

If anyone wants to really hear me complain - not that I do it THAT often - then they would have to follow me on Twitter. Kinda glad the familia is not on Twitter. LOL

It is only on Twitter where I post links to my blogs.

And now that I am playing with this application called Foursquare, it is only on Twitter where I plan to send updates to.

I feel that I need to be more real in here ... write more about what is going on with me ... dunno, we'll see ...


Thursday, June 24, 2010

~ one year anniversary ~

Today marks one year since my mom passed away.

I woke up around 3:45am and just paced around the house.

Later while taking G to school I called my dad so he could speak to G. My dad is in PR since last Sunday. He wanted to be there during these days so he could go to the same beach where he had taken her ashes last year. He wanted to bring her flowers and just be there. And who could tell him not to?

So after talking to my dad, I called my sis - she took the day off to go to the beach. Same beach in which last year we went to. Where we released a "welcome home" balloon in her honor and brought flowers to the beach. I didn't ask for time off since I had already taken some days off earlier in the month.

I spoke to one of my cousins while driving in to work.

Keeping in touch with others makes me feel like I am keepin in touch with her.

"How are you doing?" is what everyone asks me and I say I am ok.

Maybe they are expecting another answer? I don't know.

I am ok but at the same time there is a side of me that is numb.

And I don't know how long that numbness is supposed to last ... or if it will be gone someday.

I miss you mimi ... bendiciĆ³n!

Monday, May 17, 2010

what this family is about

I am sitting here watching cartoons with G as I check my stuff online and he comes and hugs me and goes ... "this is what our family is about, you and me, being together and love" ... and hugs me again ... ohhh I love that boy!

♪ My 40th ♪

Thursday, May 13th I turned 40 years old.

Ouch.

Growing up I thought 40 was OLD. Now I am the one turning 40. Ouch. ...

Anyway ... I decided to treat myself like a princess on that day and I had my tiara and all here at work.

They looked at me funny.

Some said I was 'special' ... haters. LOL

I really had a great day at work and then I went home.

And at home I expected my sis and my dad to show up with a Pepperidge Farm cake to sing me happy birthday.

It didn't happen.

No one called.

No one came over.

Once G got home, it was just the two of us.

That was it.

And I felt alone.

Very alone.

It was the first time that I spent my birthday like that. Ever. And I thought to myself that, well, I need to get used to this. Is just the way it is.

But something told me that something else was going on. I suspected a surprise party was planned for me.

I asked my sis ... she made it sound like nothing was going on. I confided in a few friends, no one knew nothing.

Rightttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.

Saturday afternoon my dad took me to Olive Garden - he did say he told a few friends and I recognized my sister's car and a friend's car but that was it.

It was the same restaurant that they did a surprise party for me when I turned 30. Even in the same area of the restaurant when they did that previous one! And then out of the corner of my eye I see my sister and when I go in ... yes, it was a surprise!

One of my best friends from high school was there - he came all the way from Miami! My best friend from work - who happens to be my boss - was there too! A few others that live here and have been part of my life and then later my best friend since childhood came in and then 2 other friends from high school that live in FL but not in Orlando - at least an hour and a half drive - I was so touched! So happy! And my dad standing in the back just smiling.

My sis decorated it all with balloons and 'over the hill' and '40' theme ... dang, I felt like I was 15 with all the attention! The food was delish and wow, 3 hours went by in a blink ... so we continued the party at my house! They didn't leave 'til almost 11pm - to then drive home.

To say the least, I had a great time!

I really, truly did ... I am thankful for each and every person that was there and that remembered me on my birthday.

My dad and my sis took care of everything.

And in the party, they basically just stood aside and let me enjoy my time with my friends.

If that is not love, I don't know what is.

So even though I was bummed out on the 13th, the surprise party more than made up for it.

Forties ... get ready, here I come! ♪♪♪

Friday, May 7, 2010

I want to learn about God

G is 7 yrs old and he has never been baptized - his dad is Pentecostal and I am Catholic and we had differences of opinion and so, it was never done ... however, lately it has been on my mind to get him baptized so I contacted a church nearby and well, came to find out that because he is already 7, he would have to go through the RCIA process - Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults. Yes, my son, in the eyes of the Catholic Church is an adult so all this can be and will be pretty much his choice ... I think that is pretty cool though ...

So the first step was meeting with someone at the church for what they call the phase of Inquiry in which basically he is interviewed as to whether he wants to do this and what does he think it is etc etc etc ... he got asked why did he wanted to go through the process and he said "I want to learn about God" ...

and so be it, he started RCIA last weekend - I went with him and thankfully there are a lot of other kids close to his age doing the same thing - and we started to go to Mass and I plan for it to be regularly ... guess what son, I want to learn about God with you.

... random thoughts ...

another major holiday is on its way ... Mother's Day ... it will be the first Mother's Day without mami ... this same time last year she was packing and looking forward to her trip to Puerto Rico, to spend time with her sister, my cousins and their kids ... she passed 3 days after she returned from that trip ...

she did what she wanted to do 'til the end ... I mean, what else can anyone ask for? ... I am just thankful that God allowed enough time for her to get back home to us ... that's all ...

and this holiday, just like other holidays since she passed (except Christmas) ... I am just blagh ... that is how I feel ... like there is no excitement, nothing to look forward to, etc etc etc ... does that make sense? has that happened to you after such a big loss? I mean, I am not even looking forward to my birthday which is next week ... am kinda dreading that my dad may be planning a surprise birthday party ... I mean, it is the big 40 and all ... but I know I will be just as happy with a small cake and in the company of my dad, my sis and the kids ... but for some reason I keep suspecting that he is planning a big thing ... ugh ... they did do a big party for my 30th b'day so I guess I will find out ... blagh

in other news ... I finally decided that I was going to start the process to get G baptized ... yeah, when he was little, his dad and I had differences of opinions and it just never got done ... being that I am Catholic, I want to raise him in the Catholic faith ... of course, being that I waited soooooooooooooo friggin' long, it can't be that easy, can it? ... little man of 7 yrs old is, in the eyes of the church, an adult, therefore he can't just get baptized, he has to go through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) ... so, we are on to do what must be done ... he started RCIA last weekend and after that we went to mass ... looking forward to going with him to mass again tomorrow night since on Sunday-Mother's Day, we are going to spend the day at my dad's place ...


Sunday, April 25, 2010

random updates

So here is a list of random updates since the last time I wrote ...

* yes!, I did get my own job so I am officially NOT acting anymore ... no, I didn't get more money ... but I have been doing the job for more than 4 years now so is just about time
* yes, I did get my house back but with pops having no transportation until like a week ago, it was a bit hard even thinking that I could go more than a week without having to haul ass over to where he is and helping him out
* kiddo got honor roll at school so momma is super proud!
* kiddo also lost another tooth and has 2 more that are loose so the tooth fairy might be busy within the next month or so
* my thumb is getting a bit greener - that was usually my parents or my sister's touch, I was the one to kill plants ... but am getting better and in a way, it makes me feel connected to ma'
* yesterday was 9 months since ma' passed away ... it seems so long ago
* for whatever reason, I feel very disconnected from a lot of people - it doesn't happen online, it happens in real life
* I decided to cut ties with a person that I felt very attached to emotionally speaking ... I think it is affecting more than what I expected it to and I don't know what to do
* at the same time, I am getting closer to someone that I know is not good for me and I don't know how to stop it since it doesn't seem that there is anyone else better than him on sight ... sad, uh?

I think that is about it ... bared my soul much?

... 'til the next time ...

Wednesday, March 31, 2010

dsiXL

So.... we are on Spring Break this week and momma decided to get G a dsiXL ... I know, I like to spoil my kid, so what?  Is not like he throws stones to the neighbor's windows or steps on a cat's tail just to inflict pain.  I have a good kid.  I do.
 
His face when I gave it to him ... priceless!  Then he got an old ds that one of my friend's had given him after he lost his dsi last month ... and he set it up so we could chat, lol.  I think it is called "picto-chat" or something like that.
 
And he sends me these cute messages that just melt my heart!  ♥♥♥ This one particular message he has said before, but being that I love reading, seeing it written down, it just made me smile ... it said "if you were a rose, I would pick you!"
 
I love that boy!

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

moving

Well ... it happened ... my dad is moving out of my house.  I am getting my house back!  And I have so many changes in mind that I want to make!  I think they will keep me pretty busy for at least 2-3 months, lol
 
My sister finished moving - she is now in the south side of O-town.  Taking the expressway the drive is around 20-25 minutes.  Where my dad is moving to, is the west side of town.  A 10-15 drive through the expressway is the distance from my place on the east and his place.  Not bad.  I think this way we are not on top of each other but we are close enough to be of help to each other.
 
Dad is excited it seems.  Guess he needed his own space and Lord knows I needed mines.  I don't regret having him move in with me after ma' passed away.  It was the right thing to do at the time.  And now that he feels ready to move out, he is doing it on his own time.
 
In other news ... I am interviewing tomorrow for my own job.  Yeah, you read right.  I have been in an 'acting' status since November 2008.  With all the changes in the economy and government protocols and policies and procedures, well I had to apply for it and I did (of course) ... and my interview is tomorrow at 2:30pm.  I am crossing my fingers that this will imply some increase in my pay but I am not counting on it.  I mean, I am grateful that in this economy I still have a J.O.B. 
 
 

Friday, February 26, 2010

just sharing

I have always loved to read.  I read constantly.  I receive a lot of e-mails from different inspirational sites.  A lot of times, I write down or print out what most strikes me.  And what follows is what I copied down a while ago and is basically what I look at when I am at my computer at work.  I will take a picture and post it right after this blog later.  But here it is ... just sharing:
  • live purposefully
  • give gratefully
  • love unconditionally
  • think abundantly
  • pray consistently
  • speak powerfully
  • serve willingfully
  • dream vividly
  • praise continously
  • prepare faithfully
 
 

a rose

G comes up with the sweetest remarks at the oddest times .... last night, as he was doing his homework and I was playing Bejeweled Blitz online ... he pauses and says "mami, if you were a rose, I'd pick you" :-)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

8 months

Today is 8 months since my mother died. She died on a Wednesday too. Today is Wednesday. I try to think back on that day and I can't remember much. Just remember being in a daze-like state, on automatic mode. I don't remember how I got home after I left the hospital. If I ate anything. Not even if I picked my son from school or not.
So much has happened since then. So many changes still happening in our family. My sister is moving, a bit far from what I am used to. My dad is thinking of moving on his own - he's been with me since she passed. It looks like I finally will get the promotion I have been waiting for years.
I like to think that she is up there ... smiling at how we are doing and watching over us. I like to think that she is the reason why all the pieces are falling into place for my sister. I like to think that she is somehow still keeping my dad company. I like to think that she is watching over the kids every second of every day. Their special guardian angel.
To me ... I like to think that somehow she is still in Puerto Rico, spending time with her sister and my cousins and my cousins's kids ... happy sorrounded by people that love her. A friend not long ago said she dreamt about her ... that she appeared to her in a dream and told her to tell my dad, to not worry about her ... that she found Nala (our dog) and that they were together and happy.
I miss her. A lot. I miss having my mom. Here. With me.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Blessing in Disguise

This past weekend, I spent the weekend with both my son and my nephew. It was cold here in Orlando so I didn't plan much - I am still taking meds for a sinus infection and Gian was on meds too. So anyway, at some point I decided to go out and check out a few stores, just to get out of the house.
We ended up at a big Dollar Tree store over here on Colonial Drive and then we stopped at Target. I usually put G in a cart and just push him around but with both of them? No buddy, you guys are walking... and just like in any other store, G brought his DSi with him. We got a few things, pay and when I get to the van I realize, G is not holding his DSi ... of course he doesn't remember a thing and I did my best to controle myself 'cause I was pissed, big time! We went back to the store and looked and looked to no avail. I left my info at customer service ... but I just knew it was gone. Am sure someone thanked their lucky stars that night.
The word 'mad' doesn't even begin to describe how I felt. Basically $400.00 in value was gone. His dad had gotten him a memory card that had more than 50 games in it - games average a price of $20.00 - $29.99, you do the math. And then I looked at what I just bought ... and realized that every treat that I got for him, I had to return it. So we did just that ... his jaw dropped. The only words coming out of his mouth was "but, but, but ...." I mean, to those moms out there ... would it be right to give him some treats after he lost that thing?
Once I got home ... my nerves took a hold of me. I cried. Not because he lost it, but because I almost lost it and for a second, I thought about hitting me. Not spank him, hit him. And I didn't recognize myself. I got really scared that I would really hit him. But I didn't do it. He saw me crying and came over to me ... he was really upset, I mean he slept with it. LOL So I calmed him down and then I asked him if he wanted to sit with me and we could think of ways for him to earn money so he can buy a new one for himself. He asked "can I do that?" I said "of course ... you can do anything that you are determined to" ... and in that moment I realized that losing this thing, may have been a blessing in disguise. We sat down, had a family meeting and came up with some rules and some chores for him to do so he could save money. I got a big can of NesQuik, cleaned it, covered it in stickers and that is his piggy bank now. Any change he sees on the floor he grabs it and saves it. And he asks to help around the house. Nice change from the me, me, me attitude.
I spoke to his dad and he said he will make sure he has another memory card and will be giving him some money too in exchange of helping around the house too. My dad is also giving him some change here and there. So let's see how long it takes ... what I really hope is that from this he learns the value of money, take better care of his things and realize that when he puts his mind to it, he can do anything.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

DSi

This weekend was extremely interesting. It was Valentine's weekend. It was also the weekend my son lost his most prized possession. His Nintendo DSi.

We were at Target - we being him, my nephew D and yours truly. Normally I would put G in the cart but this time since I had both, I didn't. I just took a basket and walked around with the kids. And at some point, G must have seen something more interesting than his DSi and he put it down and I didn't notice and ... that is when the DSi was gone.

I will not go on as how his mother - moi - reacted to the whole thing. It will suffice to say that upset doesn't even begin to describe how his mother reacted ... but that is a story for another blog, not this one.

After we got home and we grieved the loss of such a fine member of our family, we sat down and had a family meeting. In it we discussed what could be done for him to get another one ... we came up with a list of chores in which he can earn $$$ so he can buy his own. Maybe then he will take better care of it.

So we now have a home made piggy bank and that is where he is putting all his money. How long do you think it will take for him to save enough money???

Dates

I have a thing with dates. Some dates just get kind of stuck in my head ... seriously. Does that ever happen to you???

Like tomorrow ... tomorrow is 17 years since my grandfather - my mom's dad - passed away. I called him Papa, not 'abuelo' ... just, Papa. It was 1993, three months before I graduated from college. He came to visit Christmas 1992 ... he would stay up with me while I was up late studying for finals. He was so proud. He told me many times that I would be the first grandchild that graduated from college. He was proud of me.

That Christmas, when it came time for him to leave, he was so weak that he had to be taken into the plane on a wheelchair. My mom went with him. And from that time until the time that he passed away ... every time my mom said she wanted to see her father, I sent her to PR. American Express loved me to say the least ... but if I had to do it all over again, I would, with no hesitation.

Funny how our brain functions ... up until like maybe 3 years ago I would have told you that when Papa passed away, I sent my mom with my sister to Puerto Rico for her funeral. The truth is ... I went with mom to PR. For some reason, I had blocked it out. I don't know why - I just did.

So yeah, I have a thing with dates. As I write this, my aunt - my only living aunt - is in the hospital in Puerto Rico. She is 63 yrs old. And I love her. And I miss her. Tons. Lots. Bunches. I know tomorrow is 17 yrs that Papa left this Earth - I am hoping that she doesn't get to leave any time soon. I need her.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

umbrellas & memories

The other night I went to Wal Mart with G after school. It was raining. A lot. As we were walking into the store, he goes:
G: oh mami, I remembered something!
me: what did you remembered?
G: one time, when abuela was alive, I went for a walk with her. But it wasn't raining like now, it was sunny.
me: ahhhhhh yeah, if it is really sunny, is a good idea to walk with an umbrella and that way the sun won't feel so hot on you.
G: yeah yeah ... I think that is why she did it ....
(he then stayed quiet for a minute that seemed like forever and then he said...)
G: do you miss abuela mami? I miss her a lot.
me: yeah I do, I miss her a lot too ... but how do you feel when you remember something about her, like the walk with the umbrella?
G: happy, just the same way as when she was alive ...
me: well, when you remember stuff like that ... those are memories ... and as long as we keep abuela's memories by remembering ... we won't miss her that much ...
G: that sounds like a plan mami ... I love you ....
and then he hugged me ... this conversation took place only from the parking lot to get into the store ... but the memory of this converstation is still making my heart smile ...

Monday, February 1, 2010

Love ... Cartoon Network Style

Mami, I have something to tell you.

Yes son?

I am your Chowder and you are my Panini.




Now that is LOVE ... Cartoon Network style ... lol

The Language of Letting Go

In the 2nd night of the parenting class the instructor suggested a book called "The Language of Letting Go" to another participant. It is basically meditations and is geared towards persons that are co-dependent and yeah... I think I am one of those ... or at least I have issues of co-dependency. Whatever rocks my boat, right? Anywhoooooo.... the instructor told this person to always read the current day PLUS what is written for August 17th ... and me, being that I love reading just had to get the book and well, I started reading it (and doing as I was told.)

Ironically when I commented to a friend about it she mentioned that she had it and in its time, it was of great help to her. And well, in my mind I started connecting the dots ... Paulo Coelho (one of my favorites authors) wrote in "The Alchemist" that (and don't quote me on this) when something is for you, the Universe conspires to bring it to you. I took the fact that my friend read this book as something I needed to do to ... more so when its message just sinks in the depths of my soul when I read it ... is like, the message is so important, so profound, that I have to read it more than once so it can sink in properly.

In tonight's class, she asked the participant to read the August 17th entry ... and I just don't know why but it opened the flood gates for me and through out the class, I just couldn't seem to close them back. It is just something about when something so deep is read out loud, that just touched a nerve in me. And I was seating at the front and I am sure the instructor could see me but I just kept my head down and I listened and I took notes. Notes that I promise I will be sharing here as it will be a way to remind myself and share it with others. The last thing she said, just struck such a deep chord in me that once I filled out my post-test, I got up and left, again 'cause I was crying and I didn't want her or anyone there to see me like that. She said that we are the product of our mothers ... I am my mother ... I am my mother?! ... I guess is true ... I am my mother.

In time I will decide if I really write about my mother in here or not. I do know and realize that she did the best she could with what she had. And I have nothing but love and respect for her. I understood how big her love for me and my sis was when I became a mother. So don't think that I am in any way, shape or form putting down my mother. Is just that ... I never saw or thought of myself being my mother. Period.

He's looking at you!

Ok ... I am going to go off the line of the parenting class here a bit ... just bear with me.
This weekend I went out with a friend of mine and her kid - our kids get along G.R.E.A.T. so it is actually a relief to be out with my kid but not feeling like I am 1000% in charge of making sure he has a good time ... am sure some mothers out there will agree.
Anyway, we first went to eat at The Ale House close to where we live ... and we ordered our food and drinks ... and we are joking, having a good time and all of a sudden my friend goes ... "you know, he's looking at you" ... and I am like, uh?! So I looked around and she is like "OMG, I can't believe you haven't noticed that he's flirting with you!" and I am like so totally oblivious to the whole thing, I am still saying ... "uh?!" ... So she goes and tells me to check out our waiter, every time he comes to our table, he talks to her and answers her questions but he is looking at me. And I noticed, but I didn't get it, I didn't think it was a big deal that he would look at me while talking to her ... I mean ... I just didn't get it.
Those that truly know me, know that I am not the forward type. I don't read between the lines. If you tell me ABC, I will understand ABC, not XYZ. I am pretty quiet, reserved, shy, you name it ... until I know you, then I feel safe enough to be myself. So I don't really flirt and I will rather be out with one friend doing stuff than being in a party meeting people. So when she tells me to flirt back I am like "no way!" ... but from then on I was more aware of him ... and I just ... could not believe that he was looking at me.
Some women are used to having that attention on them, they expect it, they invite it, they provoke it. I don't. So when it happens, I tend to dismiss it... and I think I need to stop doing that. It made me feel good to notice that attention. It made the woman in me, feel alive. And I liked that.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

plop

well ... I don't even know if anyone is really reading any of this ... but I guess I felt the need to explain why I haven't continued writing about the parenting class ... I just fell into a big plop ... you know, the sound you would make if you were a cartoon character when you fall? yeah, plop!

I am just in the middle of a plop right now ... is not easy having my dad live with us ... what would be my "me time" it just tends to ... poof ... disappear into thin air ... and before I know it, days pass, weeks pass ... let's just say I am glad I am not mandated by court to take that class, I would have so failed ... so yeah, I intend to put in writing all the things discussed and I also intend to, little by little, incorporate all those things into my life ... it just takes time ... thanks for listening/reading ...

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Families First!

About two weeks ago I got a flyer from my son's school that read "Families First!" ... "Raising Responsible Children" ... wow, I mean, who DOESN'T want to raise their kids to be responsible?! So I called and signed up. Is a series of three meetings and a few nights ago was the first one.
W.O.W. ... not because I learned anything NEW but because I saw how everything that I have been reading lately in an effort to better myself, take care of myself, etc is all CONNECTED ... it was a very big "AHA!" moment for me.
One of the first things that was discussed was listening skills. Everyone hears, but not everyone listens. The instructor stated how important it is to have eye contact, to focus on what is being said and how we need to let the other person say ALL they are saying without being interrupted. How many times, while you are talking to someone, they are not even halfway done and you already have an answer on the tip of your tongue? I do it all the time! LOL So yeah, that is one of those things that I have to work on.
Then we moved on to acceptance. "Acceptance is the key to life" <<--- this phrase, according to the instructor, is what the AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) is based on. Life happens and you have to deal with what it throws your way. Period. You don't have to like it, you don't have to be in aggreement with it but in order for you to deal with it, you have to accept it. If what comes your way is something you don't like, is ok, but it doesn't give you the right to mistreat those around you or be mean to them. Comes to mind a phrase that my ex taught me well ... it is what it is.
We then moved to what the instructor called the "Laws of the Universe." And they are as follows:
1. Children learn what they are given to learn.
2. You are the role model at ALL times.
3. Children learn from you to view life as something positive or something negative.
4. You must be NOW what you want your child to become.
The line that struck me the most was that "you need to be NOW the person you want your child to become." Not later, not in a few years ... NOW! Soooo... that means I have some work to do .... on myself. Pronto.
I think this is enough information for one entry - on my next blog I will discuss the five assignments that were given to us and how I am doing with them. Feel free to comment below, thanks!