Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Friday, December 4, 2009
Monday, November 30, 2009
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
He is my blessing, the best part of me and the reason why I get up every morning. He sings to himself in the car and calls out "bumblebee!" every time he sees a bright yellow car. He laughs in his sleep. We shnuggle wuggle puggle before we get up in the morning and now that my dad lives with us, he translates from Spanish to English with no problem. Good for him but bad for me - leaving me to spell in Spanish when I am trying to say something that has to do with him.
So yeah, this blog is about and for him ... and for you to enjoy his witty, smartass and sweet remarks. Enjoy!
Next weekend is Thanksgiving. I don't like the holidays. I don't like having to share my kid during the holidays and I guess that is why I really don't like them anymore. As of now, I still don't know what the plans for next week are. The only thing I know is that there is no school Monday through Wednesday and that those days, I will let G stay at home with my dad while I go to work. I think it will do my dad good as he will have something to do besides being by himself all day. Then the weekend after Thanksgiving, is G's turn to be with his dad so I will dive into decorating the house for the holidays. And yeah, I still don't like the holidays much but when everything is decorated it somehow makes it more... bearable.
Just realized that I am trying to implement this change in me at the time of the year that I get more depressed ... let's see how that works out for me ...
Friday, November 20, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A lot has happened ... I feel a lot inside of me that I feel the need to write ... yet when I sit down to write, nothing comes out ... is like my muse just up and left ... but I still buy cute pens and notebooks in hopes that it will spark something ... of course what I probably need more than anything, is time to relax and let the words come out ...
What do you do when you have writer's block?
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Sunday was a different deal though ... I had said 'yes' to an invitation to a Wii Fit Plus Yoga Party hosted by an online friend here in Orlando ... I got lost getting there but I found the place :) felt a bit like a fish out of the water since I am not good at meeting new people, etc but I survived it ... I mean, I even had fun - can you believe that? lol
We first learned a bit about Yoga, something that has always interested me ... I was told I had good form, whatever that means! lol and then we played with a few of the new games available on the Wii Fit Plus, fun fun fun! ... and then, the best thing, something totally unexpected to me ... they actually gave each person that attended a Wii Fit Plus and also a Wii Fit Jacket, whooo hoooo!
Once I got home though, dunno if it was because I was still super tired from Saturday or just the combination of that plus that mimosa I had at the Wii Fit Plus Yoga Party but man, I had the best nap ... and of course due to that nap I am still up now @ 12:30am, lol
And um yeah, I did set up my Wii Fit Plus and even did a few things, more so after G got home and was like, "wow mami, you mean, they gave it to you and you had to pay no money?" - that just blew him away, hahaha, wait 'til he has to get a job and know how hard it is to earn money ... but anyway, what I liked the most is that it gives me an opportunity to do something with G, instead of me watching him play, we are doing something together ... and that is priceless ...
ps. thanks to Melanie aka modernmami (www.modernmami.com / @modernmami on Tweeter) for inviting me to this great party today :)
Friday, November 13, 2009
Came back to find out that my group had been divided and that I am officially in charge of some of them ... officially meaning that I would be signing their time sheets, doing evaluations and such ... un-officially what I have been doing up until now is going to be done by 3 persons - does that mean I should have been getting triple pay? I always suspected that ...
Now on to refresh my supervisory skills ... and in the meantime I am still 'acting', go figure!
Monday, November 9, 2009
if she was here this is what we would have done ... call her in the morning to sing her happy b'day then harrass her on the phone all day - lol - then meet at her house after work and between my sis, my dad and I she would have flowers, balloons and her favorite Pepperidge Farm cake
instead my dad and I sang her happy birthday by ourselves and then decided that she was up in Heaven playing with all the pets we had since I was born almost 40 yrs ago - not counting all the family and friends that have left us before .... that made us feel a bit better .... but the lack of her presence still hurts...
how do you celebrate a loved one's b'day once they are gone?
Friday, November 6, 2009
what are you grateful for?
Monday, September 14, 2009
Yeah all this stemmed from the Kanye West fiasco at the VMA's last night ... add a Facebook status in which someone vented about his rude behavior and lo' and behold, someone then turns around and acts just like him, no wonder they were defending him ... and sorry, I can't stoop to their level... so let them think they know best ... I know better than that ... "calladita me veo mas bonita"....
Saturday, September 12, 2009
It was a thank you card from the Lyons Institute in Tampa, FL saying thank you and letting my dad know that thanks to my mom being a donor, someone's eyesight got restored ... I am still in awe of it ... how life works ... had we opened that card a month ago when it arrived we probably would have not been ready to read it ... but now it wasn't that hard ...
To even think that someone else has her eyes ... is like ... am speechless ... I could very well in time cross paths with that person and not even know it ... wow
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
not even 2 wks after mom passed, my dad moved in with me ... it really wasn't a big decision to make as we get along well and I just could not imagine leaving him in that apartment by himself ... so that is still a change I am dealing with ... he gets upset 'cause am glued to the computer ... I say "hey, do I complain about what you do?" and then things calm down for a bit ...
change change change ... that seems to be the word that stays on my head lately ... so many changes, so little time to adjust 'cause life just goes on whether you have adjusted or not ... sometimes I feel mami is still in PR & I grab my phone to call her and then I remember ...
some changes I have implemented in my life so far are more health oriented ... I cut down on my soda intake, I started walking and I started going to the gym ... like my favorite song says ... "sometimes goodbye is a second chance"...
Monday, July 27, 2009
We got pink carnations and a balloon that read "Welcome Home" ... drove around until we found free parking pretty close to the beach. By the time we parked it was close to noon and in one word it was HAWT! lol We walked around until we found a spot that was pretty much isolated from the people that were there. We stared at the waves coming and going and before I knew it, I heard my sister talk to my mom ... and the tears started... we cried as we both said our goodbyes and prayers... then we let the balloon go and just held each other as we cried... she was really close to her and I know this is pretty hard on her. She then gave me some carnations and I walked further in the water, couldn't stop myself from crying and all of a sudden, bam! a wave threw me backwards and my sis and I just started laughing! We both said that was mom telling us "ha! I gotcha!" As hard as we cried before we just laughed then ... it just felt right to be there with my sister and doing what we did ... she will never be forgotten...
The rest of the day was spent between going to Ron Jon's, picking up my son and going to Denny's for some grub... sis said it was a great day for her... mission accomplished!
Sunday, July 12, 2009
I just re-read my very last post here on Multiply - it was written on September 2008... yup, it's been that long since I have been here, can you believe it?
Well, for those of you that do not know (since I basically live on Facebook now, lol) ... my mom passed away almost 3 weeks ago - June 24, 2009
She had just gotten home on Father's Day (6/21/09) from being in Puerto Rico for 3 weeks - she said she wanted to go say goodbye to her family over there ... I told her to stop bs'ing me, that I knew she would bury us all with that pacemaker in her heart ... little did I know that she would leave us so soon
I really haven't written too much about it except for status msgs on FB 'cause that was my way of communicating with those that already knew ... and even though I love FB and how I can have everyone (or almost everyone) that I know in there, at the same time, I have to continually watch what I say since I have family in there (including my cousins's kids), co-workers, etc
So I am here - venting...
... while mom was in PR, I talked to her every other day and boy was she having a ball! She was truly happy with her sister and my cousins (+ their kids = over 15 persons altogether) ... I still have to talk more to my auntie and my cousins to find out how those last 3 weeks really were but I heard she was teaching them how to knit, she told one of my cousins's kid that she lives in the castle at Magic Kingdom (lol, that kid was in awe after that!), she went bowling ... she lived -- not that she didn't live here but with us, she was at ease to complain, etc -- but is like she knew what was going to happen ... she arrived on 6/21/09 in the afternoon, my dad was happy to have her back home and I came to meet them, spent some time with her and when I went to say goodbye, she was already in bed, under 4 blankets and she was so cold ... so so cold ... I should have seen it coming that night, but I didn't.
... Monday 6/22/09 I was rushing, had a meeting in the morning at another site and then I found out that my dad was taking my mom to the clinic because her blood pressure was really low ... didn't think nothing of it since it had turned into a routine by now, her ups and downs with her health ... I still have saved on my cell her message telling me that they sent her to the hospital from the clinic ... I can't bring myself to erase it, just to hear her voice one more time! ... that Monday I didn't make it to the hospital but my sis did and was with her for over 4-5 hrs
... Tuesday I talked to her a few times and she sounded good... I sneaked out of work an hour earlier, got Gian from the daycare and went to the hospital, I was there for about 2 hrs... they had her with oxygen and her blood pressure was still low (84/50 more or less) ... we talked about her visit to PR, how she was a bit hurt that some of her friends didn't go to see her and I remember telling her that she saw who she was meant to see, no more, no less ... and she just told me her usual answer ... 'uh-hum' (damn how that answer used to get on my nerves, lol) ... I left at 6'ish already planning to come visit her the next day... there never really was a next day
... Wednesday morning at 5:45am I got a call from my dad - your mom went into cardiac arrest, I am on my way to the hospital - and the very first thought I had was that, if mom died, I just had to bring my dad to live with me ... then I just looked at myself in the mirror and wondered... why am I thinking about this now? and then I paced, and paced... I didn't know what to do, who to call, etc ... I called my sis and told her about dad's call and then I went into automatic mode ... I got Gian's lunch ready, got the kid up and ready for daycare and on my way there, I called my boss and a couple of co-workers ... got to the hospital, found my dad and my sis and when I went to see her I was shocked... she was swollen and her belly was super huge... her heart, even with the pacemaker, was not pumping enough to help the body get rid of that extra liquid, hence the huge belly .... her blood pressure was low and kept decreasing even though she was at the max of meds to increase her blood pressure ... she was on a ventilator ... I could not look at her and not cry ... and I didn't want her to hear me cry, you know? ... to make a long story short, she wasn't responding... and then we talked amongst ourselves, my sis and I drilling my dad for info as to what were her wishes, etc .... and he said she didn't want to be hooked up to machines, that she didn't want to suffer, that she didn't want a viewing, that she just wanted to be cremated and for her ashes to be taken to a beach in PR, Buyé.
... and then it turned into making sure her wishes were granted... we informed the doctors and they asked us if we wanted to be with her at the time of her passing and it was a no-brainer, we said yes --- deep down I knew that she would do the same thing had any of us were in that position ... originally my dad did not want to be there, but because my sis and I were going to be there, then he wanted to be there with us ... they told us to wait outside while they unhooked her and then they called us in ... we each talked to her and said our good-bye's ... and by 1pm she was gone ... it was the hardest thing I had ever had to witness, that I had ever had to do
... my dad just moved in with me this weekend - there is still a lot of stuff in the apartment but we all felt that for his emotional health, is better if he was here... my sis helped us a lot, somehow she has turned into the oldest sister because now I feel like she is making sure I am ok...
... there are 3 things that give me comfort... # 1 - we very well could have lost her on 11/03/07 when her heart stopped beating but we didn't, we had her for almost 2 more years - even though they were full of pain for her, she got to enjoy her grandsons for a little bit longer ... #2, she didn't suffer more than she had to, and #3, she didn't die alone
... I just wish I had more time to hug her and tell her that I love her even though I know she knows ... I have a hard time crying and I feel bad, thinking that I should cry more, etc ... but I guess this grieving process is different for everyone ... I can't bring myself to cry with my dad or my sis or my kid, I feel like I have to be strong in front of them... then again, is my kid the one that told me something that shut me up ... "mami, why are you crying? you know abuela is up in Heaven and she is with Papa Dios in His House, right? isn't it good that she is there with God and she is not in pain anymore? and she is with Nala (our dog that died last year) so she is not alone? isn't all that good?" .... and I just had to say "yes papi, you are right, you are so right ... it is all good"
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
when we first moved here - we being my parents, sis and I - we moved to a relative's house in Longwood, one of the cities close to Orlando ... what I remember most of that day was the ride to the house from the airport... for some reason, everytime I drive down that road, I remember that day
sometimes I wonder what life would have been for me had I decided - against my parents' wishes - to stay in Puerto Rico (I was 19 at the time, yeah, do the math, am friggin' 39 yrs old, lol)... only sometimes though... I love my island but I like it here and this is home now
last summer I went to my high school's 20th yr reunion and even though it was great to see everyone... I felt like a fish out of water... I had a great time there, don't get me wrong, but that wasn't my home anymore... it was kind of bittersweet to me
in the past 20 yrs I got my bachelor's degree, bought my first (and second) car, bought my own home, got married, had a son, got divorced and have kept my job with the local government for the past 15 yrs (and counting!) ... now I am thinking, what about the next 20 yrs of my life? what am I going to do with those?
to help clarify and make changes I am now reading, not one, not two but three books (is a habit I have, can't read just one at a time, is that bad?, lol)
these are the books I am reading now.... The Dream Giver by Bruce Wilkinson, What Happy Women Know by Dan Baker and Cathy Greenberg and The First 30 days by Ariane de Bonvoisin. The first one I got it as a Christmas gift from my sis and the last two I bought at the Florida Conference for Women I attended on May 12th (that is a post that I have to write later, very empowering day!)
the key now is to find the time to read... ha! laters!
Friday, May 22, 2009
my kid: mami, did I tell you that I have a secret club?
me: a secret club?
my kid: yeah mami, a secret club
me: so what is a secret club?
my kid: a club that is secret and we talk about secret stuff mami, duh! (how dumb of me to even ask!, lol)
me: right... so where is this secret club?
my kid: at school of course, all my secret members are friends from school (and he proceeded to tell me all the names of the secret members - all five of them, lol)
me: so you guys hide somewhere or have like a secret place to talk?
my kid: no mami we just sit in a circle and you can only go in the circle if you know the secret handshake
me: a secret handshake? why?
my kid: mami, duh! everyone KNOWS that a secret club has a secret handshake that only the secret members know! (at this time I was just covering my mouth to stop me from cracking up 'cause he was SERIOUS when he told me that long @ss line! LOL)
me: so can you show me the secret handshake?
my kid: (big sigh!, LOL!, and he goes) ok ok mami, I will but you can't tell NOBODY, OK?!
he then showed me and I am just telling you all this to tell you that... I can't show it to you! ok? lol
ps. this was just too cute NOT to share .... shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Thursday, May 21, 2009
ilusiones de algo que pudo ser tan grande
como una semilla
que no la enterraron
lo suficientemente hondo para poder crecer
pero gracias a
tu amor triste
tu amor chiquito
tu amor cobarde
tu amor muerto
encontre el mas grande amor
el amor a mi misma
a mi persona
a mi cuerpo
a mi mente
a mi alma
y ahora cuando te veo
solo me das pena
pq sigo viendo
un amor triste
un amor chiquito
un amor cobarde
y un amor muerto
solo tu puedes hacer que ese amor crezca en ti
y ojala un dia puedas entenderlo y lograrlo
dedicado a mi ex
Thursday, April 30, 2009
this is the conference's site http://www.flconferenceforwomen.org/index.html
to me is like soooo stepping out of my comfort zone... is held the day right before my b'day...
Monday, April 27, 2009
over the weekend I took the kiddo - along with the parentals and my other kiddo, my nephew - to Lake Eola here in Orlando ... it was truly a beautiful day! I posted the pics in Facebook -- gotta remind myself to add the link to this post when I get home. It is something that we need to do more often, just pack the bike and head out. :) link! --->> www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=106637&id=749641755&l=4aeeced9bd
now this weekend coming up I got lots of stuff that need to be done @ home ... re-arranging my bedroom (again!), taking care of the lawn and clean clean clean! lol
fun, uh? lol
Thursday, April 23, 2009
My baby got ‘red’ at school today.
Well, let me backtrack and explain a bit. My baby boy - he is 6 yrs old, don’t tell him I call him my baby, lol - is in Kindergarten this year. His 1st year in school. Da Big School! … and they have a ‘grading’ system for how they do during the day… kinda like the traffic light… green is good, yellow is so-so and red is BAD!
So ever since school started, he has been getting greens and yellows… more greens than yellows so I wasn’t really worried. After all, I mean, he IS a kid, not a machine. He IS 6 yrs old, not 15… and this IS his 1st experience with the school system.
At one point, when I found out that he was sitting by himself, the colors didn’t mean crap to me because I felt that he was just pushed aside ’cause she didn’t want to deal with him. Later on she explained that it is a technique they have in school for the kids that get distracted easily so they can concentrate better and finish their work. Fine then.
My main worry is that he is held back a grade because, let’s be real, I wasn’t held back, his daddy wasn’t held back… that is just something that doesn’t happen, can’t happen in my book! I wasn’t the best student but dang, I was never held back. Anyway, teacher said that won’t be a reason for him to be held back… cool then!
Fast forward to today… I am at work… crazy as heck kinda day — not surprised to find out that tomorrow there is a full moon, ppl act loco in da coco around the full moon time! — and I check my cell phone and I have a missed call from the teacher… and NO message… my heart just SANK!
I panicked and started calling her back until someone patched me through and she is like… well he has been talking non stop! … and I am like… whoa, you mean he IS ok? – ’cause by then I am thinking SOMETHING MAJOR MUST have happened! — and she goes, oh yeah he is fine… I just have to talk to you about his talking… **picture moi just staring @ the cell perplexed** … and she ends the conversation by saying that he got a red today.
So excuse me if I am wrong but I think that hey, if he didn’t get his red until late April, that’s good in my book! lol I feel that now he feels really comfortable in school and hey, he is probably bored so he has to keep himself busy. Of course I will talk to him. Don’t get me wrong, he will get reprimanded. But since today his dad picked him up, I am sure that he will address it before me and I don’t see the need in him getting reprimanded twice.
Right now, am just waiting for my baby with open arms … am sure he got an earful from his dad already, he will just need mommy’s love when he gets home tonight.
not sure if it shows as a blog that I follow but here's the link - http://candlestar.wordpress.com
still not sure if I will have time to keep them both up to date, however, with them being linked, it'll be easy to follow me anywhere... laters!
Saturday, January 3, 2009
I spend most of my day talking & dealing w/ppl... so when I get home, it is actually easier for me to just write than talk... as a matter of fact, I really don't even like been on the phone too much... haha I rather text! lol
a brief intro... I am a 38 yr old 'rican girl that makes a living as a social worker in the beautiful city of Orlando, Florida... I am divorced & have 1 son that is 6 yrs old, who is the love of my life... to him I am still 'the most beautiful mom in the Universe' - yes, he says it just like that and my heart just melts :)
this blog is just a place for me to vent, brainstorm & just try to find that little voice that we all have but mine seems to be buried deep deep down... wish me luck!