When it rains...

When it rains, it pours ... so they say, but I can attest to the fact that it is true!  This has been one of the hardest years I have ever had to deal with ... new responsibilities at work (which I welcomed 'cause I was feeling like I was in a rut) ... more responsibilities with my mom due to her health (which I shared with my dad and my sister as we have no other family here in Orlando) ... then in June mom passed away ... BAM!  That was one hit that I was definitely NOT ready for ... none of us were ... so I moved my dad in with me and my son in July, in August he retired and in October ... BOOM!, another hit ... my dad had a car accident that had it not been for him wearing a seatbelt and the airbags, it would have been much more worse ... his car was a total loss and he is at home recuperating, slowly but surely ... he broke his right arm and leg and he is healing (thank God!) but it is a slow process ... he won't be able to put weight on it at least the first week in January 2010.

 

At this point I feel like the ham (or the cheese if you don't eat ham) of the sandwich, smack right in the middle.  I am responsible for my kid but now I am responsible for my dad too ... I am a parent and a parent to my parent?  Does that make sense?  The one word that truly describes how I feel right now is overwhelmed.  Very.  Overwhelmed.

 

And to make the deal even sweeter (or sour, depending on how you look at it), my sister's car broke down.  Just like she was saying this weekend ... first there were three (cars), then two, then one ... I told her to shut up and don't jinx my van ... which by the way she is driving today.  So yeah, when it rains, it pours ... where's my friggin' umbrella?

Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving is the first Thanksgiving without my mom, G's grandma.  That boy was the light of her eyes, her first grandson ... she took care of him since he was 6 weeks old - when I had to return back to work.  She took care of him until he was 3 years old which is when her health started to decline.

 

After we prayed and before we started eating my dad asked G what he was thankful for and he said his grandma... and then he told my dad "abuelo, I really miss her but she is better with Papa Dios, right?" ... my dad's reaction was just to hug him real tight, just like my mother would.

 

Thanksgiving, Black Friday and Family

This was our first Thanksgiving without my mom. It felt as surreal as when we celebrated the birthdays and other important dates after her death. Sis stayed over as she was going to Black Friday the next day. I tagged along after 7am and only because I wanted to go to CompUSA - where I treated myself of course. I realized one thing ... Black Friday just brought out the worst part of my rican-ness and boy was that like, not good. I don't know if I will be going super duper early next year ... maybe if they can sell patience in a bottle.

The best part of this weekend though was that G's paternal grandma came to visit from Puerto Rico. It was awesome to see her, my ex-MIL (mother-in-law) - I always got along with her and one of the drawbacks of being divorced was not seeing her as often. She is the only grandma that my son has left, I want to make sure he has a relationship with her ... then again I can only do so much.

Now if I could just take a break from my family... oh yes, am going back to work tomorrow.

$100.00 IKEA gift card contest

I am trying to win this, hehehe

so here's the link to the contest

http://www.givedaddy.com/thanksgiving-bonanza-ikea/

rough day

Last night as we were going to sleep, G got in my face - it was dark so I guess he wanted to make sure my eyes were open - and he asked "mami, did you have a rough day today?" and when I said yes, he said "a rough, rough, rough day?" and I said "well not that rough but still..."  so he goes "well, let me make it better... let's shnuggle, wuggle, puggle" ... and we did ... and he made my rough day go away ...

5 months

Today marks five months since my mom passed away.  I still feel kind of numb about it.  I feel like I have not mourned her properly.  Maybe this feeling stems from not having what I call a traditional funeral.  We didn't have a wake or a viewing.  She was cremated and then her ashes were blessed at a memorial mass.  Then my dad went alone to Puerto Rico to spread her ashes.  And that was it... and then we move on ... because life goes on.  It waits for no one.  Clothes still have to be washed.  Kid still has to go to school and homework has to be done.  I still had to go to work ... etc etc etc

 

But ... what do I do with this numbness?  with this feeling like I haven't mourned enough?  is it ever enough?  what do I do with the tears that fill up my eyes yet don't spill on my cheeks?  when do I tell myself that it is ok to move on? and how do I move on?  The only thing that I have done since she passed is do what I have to do.  And maybe, just maybe ... that is enough for now. 

 

One of my last conversations with her, I apologized for being rude - yeah, I have a short fuse - and she said "what do I have to forgive you for?  you are my first born, my first love ... there is nothing to forgive ... I love you and understand who and how you are ..."  so maybe this is what I have to do to handle all these conflicting emotions and should have's, could have's, would have's ... hold on to that last conversation 'cause in there, she said everything ...

phone calls from my son

During these 3 days before Thanksgiving, while I am at work, G is at home with my dad - school is completely out this week.  And every time my son wants to talk to me, he has my dad call me.  Yesterday it was to tell me that they were showing SpongeBob and then Wow Wow Wubbzy and therefore, he would not be playing Wii because he wanted to watch "muñequitos" (= cartoons) ... and just now he called for me to hear a song from the Lego Batman Wii game that he just knew that I would like ... so he blasted the song on the tv so I could hear it through the phone.

 

He makes my day =)

My Witty Kid

So I am a mom and I have a kid. One, only one. It's a boy and he turns 7 in December of this year. And he comes up with the wittiest and sweetest remarks ever ... hence the title of this blog.

He is my blessing, the best part of me and the reason why I get up every morning. He sings to himself in the car and calls out "bumblebee!" every time he sees a bright yellow car. He laughs in his sleep. We shnuggle wuggle puggle before we get up in the morning and now that my dad lives with us, he translates from Spanish to English with no problem. Good for him but bad for me - leaving me to spell in Spanish when I am trying to say something that has to do with him.

So yeah, this blog is about and for him ... and for you to enjoy his witty, smartass and sweet remarks. Enjoy!

challenge

This trying-to-be-positive business is a challenge for someone like me that tends to analyze everything that is going on, adding pros and cons, etc... but am still trying and that is all that I can do, right?

Next weekend is Thanksgiving. I don't like the holidays. I don't like having to share my kid during the holidays and I guess that is why I really don't like them anymore. As of now, I still don't know what the plans for next week are. The only thing I know is that there is no school Monday through Wednesday and that those days, I will let G stay at home with my dad while I go to work. I think it will do my dad good as he will have something to do besides being by himself all day. Then the weekend after Thanksgiving, is G's turn to be with his dad so I will dive into decorating the house for the holidays. And yeah, I still don't like the holidays much but when everything is decorated it somehow makes it more... bearable.

Just realized that I am trying to implement this change in me at the time of the year that I get more depressed ... let's see how that works out for me ...

Change

I am working on changing the way I look at life. When I got into one of my moods as kid/teenager, my dad's pet name for me was "Vinagre" (= vinegar) ... that should give you a hint as how pleasant I was perceived as ... [that last sentence said with a very very sarcastic tone]

I recently started reading a book that I bought six months ago. It's called "The First 30 Days" by Ariane De Bonvoisin. (@clickariane on Twitter and her site is www.first30days.com) The book is basically about the one word that I would use to describe 2009 for me ... change. I guess because of all the changes is why it took me six months to start it? I don't know. I only know is that I feel that I am reading it now because now is when I am meant to read it.

I have always believed that things happen for a reason, even though we may never understand the reason why it happened in the first place. At the same time, I have always been a little more on the pesimistic side when it comes to me and the things that happen to me. I can see the glass half full for everyone else and their mother ... but not me.

So that is what I am working on at this time ... in looking for the positive ... in keeping an optimistic outlook ... and is not easy, but dang, it can't be impossible, can it?

another way

I found another way in which I can blog ... via e-mail :)

Soooo this way as thoughts pop in my head during the day, I can still blog, cool uh? (yeah, am sure am super-late in figuring this out, whatever! lol)

Today my kid is going on a school field trip to Green Meadows Petting Farm - I took him a while ago, so yeah, daddy can go to this one - lol - so let's see how this goes ... note to self though ... next trip daddy is chaperoning (if that is not a word, I just made up a new word, lol), kid needs to stay at his house ... boy got up even before the alarm went off, @ 5:30am... ugh!

It made me a little sad when he said as I dropped him off at school ... "mami I wish both you and papa could go to the field trip with me, like a family" :(

My parents never divorced, so I don't know what growing up with divorced parents is like. My ex's parents divorced when he was 5 years old (G. was 3 yrs old when his dad and I separated) and I remember as we were going through our divorce, the talks we had, how affected he was. So I wonder if my kid is still being affected or not ... overall he seems to have adjusted well ... doesn't really remember anything from those days ... but when he says stuff like that ... I wonder ... has he really been affected or is it just wishful thinking on his part?

journals

I got my first journal - it was a Hello Kitty one - when I was 8 years old ... that is when I started writing. By the time I turned 19 which is when I moved to Florida from Puerto Rico, I had more than 10 journals. At some point, don't know why, I got paranoid and threw them away, in the trash ... um yeah, I did. I think it happened as I started surfing the net and I started dabbling with blogs and/or social sites - Yahoo360, Multiply, MySpace ... either way, I didn't start writing again in paper until I got pregnant in 2002. I started keeping a journal to and for my baby, my peanut as I used to call him. I still keep that journal but I don't write as often in it as I did when he was little. He turns 7 this year.

A lot has happened ... I feel a lot inside of me that I feel the need to write ... yet when I sit down to write, nothing comes out ... is like my muse just up and left ... but I still buy cute pens and notebooks in hopes that it will spark something ... of course what I probably need more than anything, is time to relax and let the words come out ...

What do you do when you have writer's block?

some me time

This weekend I had some me time - G was with his dad ... Saturday it kinda sucked 'cause it entailed doing laundry (dryer died) ... in a laundromat ... for almost four, you read right, four friggin' hours! and when I got home ... had a brewskie feeling like pretty done and they I realized, damn, I left one load of sheets on a dryer, yikes! so yeah, driving buzzed to get those sheets from the dryer were my highlight from Saturday ...

Sunday was a different deal though ... I had said 'yes' to an invitation to a Wii Fit Plus Yoga Party hosted by an online friend here in Orlando ... I got lost getting there but I found the place :) felt a bit like a fish out of the water since I am not good at meeting new people, etc but I survived it ... I mean, I even had fun - can you believe that? lol

We first learned a bit about Yoga, something that has always interested me ... I was told I had good form, whatever that means! lol and then we played with a few of the new games available on the Wii Fit Plus, fun fun fun! ... and then, the best thing, something totally unexpected to me ... they actually gave each person that attended a Wii Fit Plus and also a Wii Fit Jacket, whooo hoooo!

Once I got home though, dunno if it was because I was still super tired from Saturday or just the combination of that plus that mimosa I had at the Wii Fit Plus Yoga Party but man, I had the best nap ... and of course due to that nap I am still up now @ 12:30am, lol

And um yeah, I did set up my Wii Fit Plus and even did a few things, more so after G got home and was like, "wow mami, you mean, they gave it to you and you had to pay no money?" - that just blew him away, hahaha, wait 'til he has to get a job and know how hard it is to earn money ... but anyway, what I liked the most is that it gives me an opportunity to do something with G, instead of me watching him play, we are doing something together ... and that is priceless ...

ps. thanks to Melanie aka modernmami (www.modernmami.com / @modernmami on Tweeter) for inviting me to this great party today :)

back to work

So I went back to work this past Wednesday ... I was out of work almost a month and a half, between being sick at the beginning of October and my dad's accident mid-October ... and wow! ... it partly feels like I have been gone a long time and I also feel like, jeez, I never left! lol

Came back to find out that my group had been divided and that I am officially in charge of some of them ... officially meaning that I would be signing their time sheets, doing evaluations and such ... un-officially what I have been doing up until now is going to be done by 3 persons - does that mean I should have been getting triple pay? I always suspected that ...

Now on to refresh my supervisory skills ... and in the meantime I am still 'acting', go figure!

happy b'day mom

today marks 58 years that my mom was born - she passed away 4.5 months ago ... still seems so ... surreal ...

if she was here this is what we would have done ... call her in the morning to sing her happy b'day then harrass her on the phone all day - lol - then meet at her house after work and between my sis, my dad and I she would have flowers, balloons and her favorite Pepperidge Farm cake

instead my dad and I sang her happy birthday by ourselves and then decided that she was up in Heaven playing with all the pets we had since I was born almost 40 yrs ago - not counting all the family and friends that have left us before .... that made us feel a bit better .... but the lack of her presence still hurts...

how do you celebrate a loved one's b'day once they are gone?

gratefulness

I am still @ home taking care of my dad due to the car accident he had last month. I am just grateful that he survived it with minor injuries compared to the accident. Also grateful that I haven't taken that many vacations - therefore I had enough time to be able to stay home with him ... priceless ...

what are you grateful for?