... random thoughts ...

another major holiday is on its way ... Mother's Day ... it will be the first Mother's Day without mami ... this same time last year she was packing and looking forward to her trip to Puerto Rico, to spend time with her sister, my cousins and their kids ... she passed 3 days after she returned from that trip ...

she did what she wanted to do 'til the end ... I mean, what else can anyone ask for? ... I am just thankful that God allowed enough time for her to get back home to us ... that's all ...

and this holiday, just like other holidays since she passed (except Christmas) ... I am just blagh ... that is how I feel ... like there is no excitement, nothing to look forward to, etc etc etc ... does that make sense? has that happened to you after such a big loss? I mean, I am not even looking forward to my birthday which is next week ... am kinda dreading that my dad may be planning a surprise birthday party ... I mean, it is the big 40 and all ... but I know I will be just as happy with a small cake and in the company of my dad, my sis and the kids ... but for some reason I keep suspecting that he is planning a big thing ... ugh ... they did do a big party for my 30th b'day so I guess I will find out ... blagh

in other news ... I finally decided that I was going to start the process to get G baptized ... yeah, when he was little, his dad and I had differences of opinions and it just never got done ... being that I am Catholic, I want to raise him in the Catholic faith ... of course, being that I waited soooooooooooooo friggin' long, it can't be that easy, can it? ... little man of 7 yrs old is, in the eyes of the church, an adult, therefore he can't just get baptized, he has to go through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) ... so, we are on to do what must be done ... he started RCIA last weekend and after that we went to mass ... looking forward to going with him to mass again tomorrow night since on Sunday-Mother's Day, we are going to spend the day at my dad's place ...

challenge

This trying-to-be-positive business is a challenge for someone like me that tends to analyze everything that is going on, adding pros and cons, etc... but am still trying and that is all that I can do, right?

Next weekend is Thanksgiving. I don't like the holidays. I don't like having to share my kid during the holidays and I guess that is why I really don't like them anymore. As of now, I still don't know what the plans for next week are. The only thing I know is that there is no school Monday through Wednesday and that those days, I will let G stay at home with my dad while I go to work. I think it will do my dad good as he will have something to do besides being by himself all day. Then the weekend after Thanksgiving, is G's turn to be with his dad so I will dive into decorating the house for the holidays. And yeah, I still don't like the holidays much but when everything is decorated it somehow makes it more... bearable.

Just realized that I am trying to implement this change in me at the time of the year that I get more depressed ... let's see how that works out for me ...